I had a dream...of Olympic Gold

They say we dream like 3-7 times a night and that during an 8-hr sleep, 2 hours are spent dreaming. So that means I've dreamed a lot of dreams in my time, and for some reason the ones I remember are way crazy. Does everyone have dreams of being chased through a forest by a beaver who is only trying to return a spatula she borrowed or is that just me? Then there's the re-occurring resurrection of a pilot on a hijacked plane and more recently the ant that somehow became a man and he got a crush on one of my friends and I was pretty sure he was an ant but I wasn't sure so I followed him around. But then he tried to kiss my friend and I was like 'you can't kiss her, you're an ant!' And so I pulled him away and then he tackled me screaming 'I'm not a monster! I'm not a monster!' I tried to struggle...but against his freakish ant strength there was no hope. I woke up flailing and was like 'what the heck was that about??' Seriously, they say dreams are supposed to mean something to our subconscious, so what on earth could that possibly mean?

And my most recent dream boggles me completely. I woke up and went over it several times to see if any of it made any more sense while awake. Nope, not so much. The year, 2014. The place, Sochi, Russia and the XXII Winter Olympic games. The first thing I remember was being at the US/Canada hockey game with a childhood friend and she a freakn Miss Know-it-All in my dream and I was really annoyed by it. There was hardly anyone at the game, and I was like 'Where is everyone?' and she responded 'hockey isn't that big in America, and especially not in Canada.' And then the score was tied 2-2 at halftime, and I said 'there are three periods in hockey!' and she said 'not in Olympic hockey' and gave me a look that made me want to punch her face but then all of a sudden they were serving warm gooey oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Oh my goodness they were sooo good and I had to have another one so I started to run after the server with my friend yelling at me 'you can only have one cookie in Russia!!' What...is there a cookie quota in the Mother Land...what's up with that? For some reason this was one of my more memorable moments of my dream.

I couldn't find her, but suddenly I was atop a mountain all decked out in ski gear. The thought went through my mind, 'what am I doing up here? My entire skiing experience can be summed up in a less than successful weekend in Winter Park, CO my Jr. yr of high school.' Sure enough, someone told me to 'Go!' so naturally I went. And boy did I go! As I was flying the commentators were saying such nice things about Harvey Uminski and his career-best time. It was only after I reached the bottom did I realize I had the top qualifying time in the Women's Downhill event.

That's when things took a turn for the worse. Not only were people laughing at me for being a girl, but apparently I offended the Russians. Something about how I brought disgrace to their games. All of a sudden I was racing down another mountain, this time not for Gold, but for my life. On my tail were several KGB operatives intent on silencing one American troublemaker. Now, I'm not quite sure how putting a bullet in my head like all the other Soviet-era troublemakers would return honor to their 'soiled' games but that's just how they do things in Russia, apparently.

So just then, on the mountainside was an Institute building, exactly like the one Denton. Holy cow, I didn't know the Church was all that big in Russia, let alone that they have Institute buildings randomly across the country. I looked in and they were having FHE. Thanks, but I think I will take my chances with the Commies.

They were closing in...my heart was beating fast...I knew I was just moments away from spending an eternity frozen in the ice of a frozen Siberian wasteland. Poof! Gabriel Allon of the Israeli secret service and my favorite fictional character swoops in and was on the slopes with me and wasted those KGB scum. I stopped to thank him, but more were on the way. He told me to go but as I turned, Harvey, the Olympic favorite to win Gold, slipped and started to roll down the hill. Oh the irony! Allon pursued, and just as I was going over the side of the mountain, he grabbed my arm. Wouldn't you know it, my coat ripped and I fell...then I woke up in a cold sweat.

So. What does any of that mean? Should I pick up skiing in order to get in shape for Sochi by 2014? Am I destined for Olympic Gold or just greatness in general? Why would the Israeli secret service send their top agent to protect me? A more disturbing thought...why would I rather face Soviet assassins instead of sitting through FHE or why would I be competing in a women's event? Well at least it wasn't figure skating. Not sure there are any answers. For now I will just continue to enjoy whatever it is my subconscious has to throw at me.